jovan.ru

По поводу того немецкого конкурса блогов, в котором мы почему–то участвуем, в котором не работает голосование и все спрашивают, что с ним такое и чего мы в нем делаем — я тут написал им письмо.

Greetings, good people of the boobs!
My name is Jovan Savovich and I happen to run dirty.ru — a Russian weblog which you people named “clownblog” for some reason. And for some other reason you decided to place it among other sites in your creatively named “Best Innovation” category. 

Just so you know it — I am certain that the things I am going to share with you here will open your eyes to many things, especially since this letter turned out somehow long and I have to give you some sort of motivation to read through it.

First of all, I’ve got to give it to you people — awarding weblogs for “innovations” in late 2004 is not just funny, it’s funny in a painful kind of way. But what’s even more funny is that we here, six thousand of proud Russian people, six thousand of working men and hard talking women,… we are actually being called “clowns” by a bunch of people who can’t or don’t want to build a correctly working goddamn voting system and could be singing traditional German folk songs right this moment for all we know.

Now, you see, when I visited your contest page for a first time I gave myself a liberty of voting for my own site (which is kind of bad, but hey – I’m a professional blog owner here, man — I’m supposed to be a looser). So I found and clicked on a link that was placed right beneath a badly cropped screenshot of dirty.ru and said something along the lines of “Yes, dear German vaguely site resembling thing on my screen, I am totally sure that this candidate is my favorite one”. After that you made me click on that same link again. And after that nothing happened.

I would have thought nothing of it, but the same thing happened to a number of other people and they kept asking me all sorts of questions like “what’s with the German voting thing, dude?”, “Why would we participate in this pointless swindle?” and “Aren’t they French? Albert Camus was French and he was a humongous fag.” 

After that last question we’ve all decided to go and check it (we also kind of wrecked your site in the process, I apologize for that), and we found out that your voting, indeed, doesn’t work at all. Or, for some reason, it doesn’t count our votes. None of them.

Just for the record – we took seven Russian albino–monkeys out of their warm cages this morning and ordered them to develop a working voting mechanism for a website or die in pain. And you know what? The monkeys finished it before we had a chance to end our goddamn lunch. Also, we have a strong suspicion that four of them were drunk most of the time and forced three of the lower ranked monkeys to do all the work. But they still did better then you guys.

Okay, I’ll just try to make a long story less boring – I really didn’t mind when you guys picked the site for whatever reason you did it. I didn’t even mind when you called it “clownblog” (heck, nobody did, we’re cool). But I just cannot understand why would anybody want to run a flawed voting on anything and – even more so – why would I want to participate in it?

Could you just remove our site from the contest, please? Thank you.

– Jovan